Bald and Noseless
by Blackbird71
Summary: Two people find each other in the lonely underworld. Both are bald. Both are missing a nose. Coincidence?


**Author's Note:** I do not own Harry Potter or Captain America. If I did, I would write this in a book or make it into a movie. Please read & review. Hope you enjoy!

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><p>Bald and Nose-less<p>

Voldemort stood up and looked around. He was surrounded by a brilliant, almost blinding, white light. He knew there was a floor of some sort, because he was standing, but he could not tell if there were walls or a roof. The whiteness pleased him. All other colors made his skin look clammy and old, but white made it look alive. He looked down at his body. He was still wearing his black robes. Good. He liked those robes. He looked around, turning as he did so, to see if there was an exit. After turning once, or maybe a few times, he saw a small black smudge. He reached out to wipe it off and realized it was more than an arm's length away. He reached in his robes and pulled out his wand. It was his yew and phoenix wand, and it felt good in his hand. "Quaepurgent," he said. Nothing happened. _Does magic not work here, or is that not dirt? _He wondered. Voldemort set off at a brisk pace toward the smudge.

The black speck grew bigger and bigger, much faster than Voldemort was walking. "It's coming toward me," Voldemort muttered, starting to walk faster and tightening his grip on his wand. When Voldemort was close enough to see the black point was actually a man, he slowed. The man slowed too. Voldemort could see the man was wearing not quite robes, but almost. _Older? Newer?_ He wondered. He could see the other man's head was _red! How is his head _red_? _Voldemort thought. As the two men neared, Voldemort could tell the man was no wizard, but he did seem to posses a certain magic. _Is he one of those muggle magicians? Is he an illusionist? _

The two men stood about two meters away, facing each other. "Nothing but a muggle," Voldemort said dismissively.

Voldemort was on his back. His groin was on fire and the stranger's knees were in his chest, making it hard for him to breathe. The stranger was pulling Voldemort's head off the floor by the collar of his robes and the red face was centimeters from his own.

"I do not know what that word means, but I know an insult when I hear one." The man snarled and punched Voldemort in the face. Voldemort's head bounced off the floor with a sickening crack. If Voldemort had a nose, it would have been bleeding. He had never known muggles could attack so violently. Voldemort reached in his robes, found his wand, and blasted the stranger off his chest.

The stranger landed hard, but there was no crack. Both men got up at the same time, the stranger brushing nonexistent dust off his robe-like garment. Voldemort remembered they were called trench coats. The stranger looked at Voldemort. All the anger was gone, replaced by an intense curiosity.

"Do you have the Tesseract? Or do you posses another power." The stranger asked. His blazing red eyes showed how important this was to him, but the words made no sense to Voldemort. The Tesseract could not be another wand, otherwise Voldemort would have heard of it. And what "other powers" were there? There was just magic, that was it.

Voldemort pulled out his wand, ready to finish off this insolent man. But the muggle simply reached out and took the wand from Voldemort's hand.

"Interesting," he muttered, "so warlocks do exist. I always expected wands to look different, but there is no doubt." He looked up at Voldemort. "Red Skull." He said. Voldemort tried to hide his shock and anger. _How dare this man take my wand and offer me his name in return! I am LORD-fucking-VOLDEMROT! _Red Skull gave the wand an experimental wave. Red sparks flew from the end. Voldemort nearly choked. _How could MY wand work for HIM! _

Red Skull casually tossed the wand to Voldemort. Voldemort caught it. Snakelike ropes shot out of the end of his wand and wrapped around Red Skull, binding him and knocking him down. Voldemort looked down at the struggling man indifferently.

"I do not much care for muggles, but I am curious to find out if someone could die after death."

Red Skull stopped struggling and looked up at Voldemort. "You cannot die after death." He stated simply.

"_Crucio,_" Voldemort yelled. Red Skull's screams disappeared into the whiteness, but Voldemort heard them loud and clear. Voldemort lower his wand as the screaming was replaced with a soft chuckling.

"I like pain," Red Skull said, "I don't much care whose it is."

_This guy is eviler than me, _Voldemort thought, _and crazy too. _Suddenly Voldemort was possessed with a violent rage. _I am Lord Voldemort; the epitome of evil. Nobody is eviler than me. NOBODY! _Voldemort let off a string of hexes and curses. Red Skull's laughter mixed with his screams infuriated Voldemort to the point where he bellowed "AVADA KEDAVRA."

Red Skull disappeared, and Voldemort let out a sigh of relief. His magic still worked and now that insufferable mutant muggle was gone.

"Right here. I know you missed me."

Voldemort whirled around and found himself staring into Red Skull's ghastly face. Red Skull grabbed Voldemort's wand and backed two paces away.

"I have a proposition to make, and I want you to hear me out on this. You like to use magic to cause people pain. I have this… fellow whom I need punished. I cannot dispense this punishment because this fellow is stronger than me. However, you could punish him sufficiently." Red Skull tipped his head to one side. "What do you say? Could you punish him for me?" Voldemort stared in shock. The idea worked its way through his head slowly. He remembered Harry. _Yes, _he thought, _Harry Potter also needs punishment and I, unfortunately, cannot punish him. But this man can._

"I too have an adversary in need of punishment. You said you liked pain and you could cause him lots of pain." Voldemort said. Red Skull's eyes blazed.

"I would like that very much." Red Skull replied.

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><p><strong>AN:** Yes, Red Skull and Voldemort are going to have lots of fun with the other's enemy! Please review!


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